When my daughters were pregnant, I had asked their doctors if they had known of any groups for myself. Both times the answer was "No... but that is a great idea." I then asked their school teachers if they had ever heard of any. Once again... I got the same answer. So then, when we went to the hospitals to deliver, I thought to ask the nursing staff the same question. Nope.. they had never heard of any either. But once again, that is a great idea.
However, when my second daughter was in the hospital there was another teenage delivering. I spent a lot of time talking with her mother. Telling her of my idea. She thought it was a wonderful idea. Unfortunately, shortly after the birth of my youngest grandson, I started to suffer with other health problems. So I was unable to work at building a support group at that time.
But even though it has been a short time since I was in the delivery room while my grandchildren were born, I have not ever stopped thinking of how Young Grandparents deserved and needed a support group. I haven't started outside of my home here yet... but I feel it is finally time to start.
So NOW... with the help of others out there, I am hoping to begin building a support group here online. If it takes off here, then I will hopefully gain the strength to be able to take it out to my community. And hopefully, others who join us here will find the same courage to do so in their communities. All across the USA and then around the world.
There are groups out there for Grandparents... Books, magazines, etc. But it always seems to deal more with the older Grandparents. The ones who are in their 50's or later. So how would we begin?
First: We need to know how to find each other. The birth rate for teen-age mothers are growing in leaps and bounds. Which to me would only make perfect sense that Young Grandparents are also growing. So for now, the only way to help each other is to talk to other Young Grandparents!!! If you so choose, tell them of this website.
Together we can gain strength. We can share our ideas. We can help others to know what lies ahead. We can offer a hug for support, but most of all... We can talk to each other. I'm not the only one who has lived through and survived this. And neither are you. There are many out there. Tell any of your friends if they are in our situation. Talk to your child's school system. Tell them we are here and want to reach other ones that are like us.
I don't know about you.. but I am tired of feeling like people look down to me. I was raised in a very religious family. Family members never said anything out loud, but the comments came out very loudly with their looks. Same with the many friends that I grew up with. I was not a bad Mother... I did all that I could to raise my children properly. It was a choice that my children made. And the same, I'm sure, is true for you!!! Let's not hold our heads down in shame... but hold them up high. Just as our "Older Grandparents" do. Let's love our grandchildren proudly and openly.
Let's continue to love our daughters and sons who have such a large price to pay for their mis-hap. And let us stand up and support our children. They will have a hard time dealing with those cold and pre-judging looks. Help us to help them grow beyond the loneliness that they will feel as they begin to lose friends, because they don't have the same kind of responsibilities. We need to be strong for our children now!!! Stronger then we have ever been in their lives before.
Let's all join together.... then we can go on to the second step! I'm offering you my hand in friendship and support. Please, grab on to it and offer your other hand out to another. Together we can get through this!!!
September 17, 2003 Update!
My other "Young Grandparents" site is really working now. I am so excited to be able to have a site for Young Grandparents that are frustrated, confused and lonely to get together on. It has been online since June of 2000 and we now have over 100 members. It is so supportive and helpful.
Today I have called both the high schools here in the suburb with which I live. I am contacting the Counselors or Teacher who works with the young girls who are pregnant. I am hoping to have them pass along the information about the "Young Grandparents" web site. Hoping to help other Young Grandparents who feel lost and frustrated. I will send them there first, and then they can connect to my site here.
My hopes would be to build a large group that will go across the nation one day and then on to other countries. So far we have a couple of grandparents from Canada. I was ecstatic that day when they joined. I want the word to get out that these Young Grandparents are not alone during this struggle. That there are tons of us out here and that we need to find a way to help each other.
It is so very hard when we first find out about a grandchild. We need to know what responsibilities are ours. Or what emotions we can expect, or understand. It is alright to be angry and hurt with our child. We had so many grand plans on how they would turn out. But it is not our right to make them feel less loved or less important. It is bad enough that they will be having friends leave them due to the situation. We don't have the right to add to this.
We need to grow together and get stronger. So that we can help make some changes in the laws to help us in our situations. To make insurance companies help us out with both the pregnancy costs and the costs of health issues of the baby. Right now they rarely do either. So the girls have to turn to state aid for any medical insurance. We pay outrageous prices for our health insurance, so we need them to be there for our children in every way. Once they turn 18 and are out of school, then we need them covered until they are able to find their own health insurance. Usually through their own jobs.
We need to know what rights we have if our child wants to adopt the child out. How do we go about doing it? If we want to still watch our grandchild grow up, is there any way, as the legal grandparents, to still have visitations? If our child neglects our grandchild, what are we responsible for? Do we have any legal rights? What if our grandchild's parents are involved with drugs or alcoholism or both? How can we help protect our grandchild?
These all need to be addressed, so let us all stand together and get things going. I look forward to working with all of you!!! Stand tall and proud - we may not be the majority, but we are growing all the time. And we are:
"YOUNG GRANDPARENTS!!!"
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